A Talk with a Vampire and Chocobo Hair Boy
by Akira Majere
Summary: Poor Vincent. ;; Just when he thinks something is FINALLY going to happen to him that's good... -snorts- And you thought this tale would end before AC! NEVER! Now 100 more buttsex!
1. The Date

_**A Talk with a Vampire and Chocobo Hair Boy**_  
by Anna and Akira

Vincent: I've wanted to say this since the moment I laid eyes on you.  
Cloud (holding his breath): You, you don't mean...  
Vincent: I know you feel it too. I know you caught me watching you   
take that shower after the Chocobo race. You didn't protest. In   
fact, I think you kind of liked it.  
Cloud: I...I don't know what to say. I've never felt anything like   
this before...  
VINCENT: Oh, sorry. ::backs up::  
CLOUD: Say, uh, do you have any, uh, Materia?  
VINCENT: ...?  
CLOUD: Sorry, I'm trying to think of good pickup lines.  
VINCENT: How about, "If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put I next to U"...?  
CLOUD: But you just said it!  
VINCENT: ...  
CLOUD: ...  
VINCENT: May I be OOC with you, Cloud?  
CLOUD: I'm flattered that you trust me so much! Yes, of course.  
VINCENT: I am so horny right now.  
CLOUD: (musingly) Aren't we all...?  
VINCENT: Aren't you glad that Tifa, Yuffie, and Aeris are all involved in a massive lesbian orgy and aren't stalking you?  
CLOUD: Yeah...HEY WAIT! They are?  
VINCENT: Yes...  
CLOUD: AND THEY DIDN'T LET ME WATCH?  
VINCENT: Sorry Cloud... Aeris is quite the gothic dominatrix chick, too, since she's been dating Akira...  
CLOUD: BONDAGE TOO? ::sobs::  
VINCENT: Yep... saw crops and whip cream too..  
CLOUD: ::sobs:: Vincent... stop being so damn OOC and get your hand off my ass...  
VINCENT: But it feels so RIGHT...!  
CLOUD: You squeezed too hard! I'm gonna have bruises!  
VINCENT: Really? May I rub cream all over them?  
CLOUD: Well yes if you think that would help--HEY WAIT A MINUTE!  
VINCENT: Hmph.  
(SIlence)  
CLOUD: So, what's Tifa doing?  
VINCENT: (nauseated) Don't ask.  
CLOUD: Oh.  
(Silence again)  
CLOUD: Vincent?  
VINCENT: Yes, Cloud?  
CLOUD: Did you ever know that you're my hero?  
VINCENT: Uh...  
CLOUD: (dreamily) You are the wind beneath my wings...  
VINCENT: And you're the wind between my legs, baby!  
CLOUD: oooh, so naughty!  
VINCENT: ::bending over:: Do I need a spanking?  
CLOUD: Baby, you need a full-BODY spanking!  
VINCENT: Meeee-owwwww...  
CLOUD: Oh, animal noises drive me wild!  
VINCENT: Moo  
CLOUD: (gasping) Yes...yesssss...!  
VINCENT: (sensually) Quack  
CLOUD: Ahhhh....ooooh yeah...yeah...  
VINCENT: BUNNY NOISES! BUNNY NOISES!  
CLOUD: AAA-er. Whata?  
VINCENT: Um...bunny...noises...?  
CLOUD: You know, I always wanted to make whil passionate llama love with a bunny...  
VINCENT: ((nuzzles Cloud)) Can I be your bunny?  
CLOUD: NO! Because.... ANNA IS FLUFFY CUTE BUNNY!  
VINCENT: ((hurt)) Who is this Anna? Does she have great hair like me? ((strikes a 'Magus' Pose))  
CLOUD: Yes... she is Selphie's Other!  
VINCENT: Cloud, I think the Mako Poisin is kicking in again...  
CLOUD: Sephiroth is naughty with Akira in the back room and Anna likes to pet my little cloud...  
VINCENT: ....  
MATT: But what about me...?  
ANNA: Shhh, don't interrupt Cloud and Vincent!  
AKIRA: Yeah, this is the good part!  
KRIS: Let's see some hot body action!   
(Cloud and Vincent suddenly look towards the back window of the gondola. Anna, Matt, Kris, and Akira-chan are peeking through comically large binoculars at them.)  
CLOUD: I feel so dirty...  
VINCENT: Good!  
AKIRA: ::impatient:: Well?  
CLOUD: Well what?  
ANNA: Let's see the action start! We can make millions if we sell this to the right people!  
VINCENT: ...?!  
KRIS: I got a producer online, so hurry up and lets get this thing going on...  
CLOUD: ::bangs head against wall:: I feel sooooooo VERY dirty now...  
VINCENT: ::stares::  
MATT: ::Stares back:: tee hee duh.  
VINCENT: ....  
MATT: ....  
VINCENT: Breakdancing fuzzy bears.  
MATT: Jello from hell.  
(Matt leaps into the gondola. Vincent passionately embraces him.)  
CLOUD: EEEEEW! I see gay people!  
MATT: (trying to disentangle his tongue) I'M NOT GAY!  
AKIRA: Can we videotape you two anyways?  
VINCENT: ....  
MATT: Whatever.  
(Kris starts Riverdancing)  
AKIRA: ::pulls out the camera and random stage crew people from her pants::  
ANNA: Kinky!  
CLOUD: ::freaks out because some random stage crew person tries to do his hair:: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!~  
KRIS: ::kicks Cloud in the shins::  
AKIRA: HEY! That's my style! ::Kris in the Shins::  
ANNA: Stop picking on Kris! ::kicks Akira in the shins::  
CLOUD: LEAVE MY HAIR ALONE! ::kicks stage crew member in the shins::  
ANNA: STOP KICKING PEOPLE! ::kicks Vincent in the shins::  
VINCENT: ::falling down:: OW! What the...?  
MATT: Oh, darn. ::kicks Kris in the shins::  
KRIS: HEY! What was THAT for?  
MATT: Uhhh...I forgot.  
(Kris kicks Matt in the shins)  
SEPHIROTH: (popping up out of nowhere.) Booyah! ::kicks Cloud in the shins::  
(Anna leaps onto Sephiroth and refuses to let go)  
MATT: HEY! ::tries to pry Anna from Sephiroth... gives up and clings to him too::  
VINCENT: ...?! I feel unloved...  
AKIRA: AWWWWWWWWWW! ::clings to Vincent and licks him:: I lurv you...  
(Kris hugs Vincent's leg)  
VINCENT: I'm going to be EXTREMLY OOC with yas... KINKY! ::licks Akira back::  
CLOUD: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!~  
(Akira throws a random spork Cloud and knocks him out)  
(Cid runs in like the badass mother f#kka he is and kicks Cloud and runs around the gondola)  
MATT: CID! ::immediately affixes himself to Cid::  
ANNA: NOOOOOOOOOO! CLOUD! WAAAAAH!  
SEPHIROTH: Want me to make you feel better?  
ALL: YES!  
SEPHIROTH: Er, I meant just HER, but...  
VINCENT: ::snuggling with Akira-chan:: Shnookums...  
AKIRA: Poookie...::kicks Anna in the shins::  
ANNA: HEY! What was that for?  
AKIRA: You weren't around when I called you ::cries::  
ANNA: ::cries too:: I'M SORRY! ::kicks self in the shins::  
KRIS: Llama!  
MATT: Cheeeeeeeeeeeeese!  
CLOUD: Fruit snacks!  
VINCENT: Macadamia nuts!  
SEPHIROTH: BRATWURST!  
ANNA: Spork!  
AKIRA: Cheeto!  
CID: Tea, &*%^&%&^%#$%$ it!  
KRIS: I would like to sing "Eyes on me" as a highly risque chinese woman...  
CLOUD: Um, chinese?  
ANNA: Gee, you know... they live in China?..  
AKIRA: ::bonks Anna and Kris in the head with a spork:: They aren't from this world...  
ANNA/KRIS: OoOOooooOOoo!  
KRIS: Can we research them?  
AKIRA: I don't see why not...  
FFVII BOIZ: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! ::they try to run, Cloud is pounce on by Kris, Sephiroth by Anna, Cid by Matt, and Vincent by Akira::  
MATT: WAIT! CHINESE PEOPLE ARE FROM JAPAN! THAT'S WHY THEY SPEAK KOREAN!  
ANNA: Um, dear, I think you're wrong there...  
CLOUD: NO! He's right! ::turns to Matt:: I LOVE YOU!  
MATT: I LOVE YOU, TOO!  
AKIRA: Heyyyyyy, how come Matt gets all the guys?  
ANNA: Because I'm nice. ^_^  
KRIS: OH, YEAH?! ::he pulls Matt off of Cloud and positions himself,   
eyelashes fluttering, lips pursed:: Come get me, Chobo-Boo!  
CLOUD: Ummm...oh, hell, I ain't picky!  
SEPHIROTH: Mmmm, yaoi!  
ANNA: yeah! Wanna know what I like to do with yaoi, baby?  
SEPHIROTH: oooh, what?  
ANNA: MST it!  
(Deep silence)  
AKIRA: (whispering) ignore Anna, she's very... 'special'... as in, 'special ed'.  
ANNA: No, I'm (TO SPECIAL) for special ed.  
AKIRA: Don't mean I'm VERY SPECIAL in special ed?  
ANNA: They wouldn't let me in cause I'm TOO special  
AKIRA: Ah, I see. They wanted to send you to one of those special ed schools, now... XP  
ANNA: Yeah, exept they call it rehab.  
AKIRA: Finally getting help with all the voices that makes you special?  
ANNA: The doctors said I'm too much of a head-case, They say I'm potentialy dangerous, because I listen to the voices, but they'll never understand, noone will.  
AKIRA: I understand your pain! ::embraces her::  
ANNA: Finally, someone who understands me! ::clings to her::  
SEPHIROTH: Hell yeah! Yuri action!  
MATT: MmmMmmMm, yuri...  
CLOUD: At least I got to see _them_ since I missed Tifa and all them...  
VINCENT: ::shivers:: Trust me, I wouldn't _want_ to see what Tifa was doing ever again!  
KRIS: I'm the wind! WOOSH!  
CID: Hot damn!  
ANNA: Are you sure this is legal?  
AKIRA: Of course! It's a perfectly lawful act!  
CLOUD: What is she doing to that llama?  
MATT: I'M SPECIAL TOO! ...right?  
KRIS: Yes.  
SEPHIROTH: I wish people wouldn't run by and flash me.  
ANNA: (lowering her shirt) Oh, sorry...  
CID: You know what I hate?  
CLOUD: No...  
CID: When people walk up to you, then have the nerve to lick you! Like, ewww!  
MATT: Wow! That was totally OOC!  
AKIRA: Like, um, yeah!  
ANNA: Tee hee duh!  
AKIRA: Hey that my line?!  
(Barret runs by in nothing but a towel)  
SEPHIROTH: MY EYES! THEY'RE MELTING IN THEIR SOCKETS!!!!!!!!  
CLOUD: AHHHHHHHH! ::attempts to impale himself on his sword::  
KRIS: GROSS! ::jumps out a random window::  
AKIRA: I'M MELTING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ::faints in horror::  
ANNA: I FEEL NORMAL! ::panics and haves herself commited::  
MATT: WAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! ::changes after him::  
ANNA: (in the insane asylum) ANGELINA JOLIE! YESSSSSSSS!  
(Meanwhile, back at the gondola...)  
BARRET: (waving a clinging Matt around) Foo'! Git yoself offa mah arm!  
MATT: If I do, will you take the towel off?  
BARRET: FOO'!  
ANNA: (bounding in wearing a tuxedo and leading a wedding gown-clad Angelina Jolie) FOO? AS IN FOO FIGHTERS?  
SEPHIROTH: You got married?  
ANNA: No, we're just about to!  
(Matt, stunned, falls off Barret and starts crying)  
ANNA: ...you can join in, too...  
MATT: I better be able to!  
ANGELINA: Wow. This is all furry, like an albatross.  
(Everyone blinks)  
AKIRA: So....  
KRIS: I'M GONNA MARRY CID! (jumps in Cid's arms Bugs Bunny-style and gives him a big ol' kiss of the lips)  
CID: (dropping him) GYAAAAAAAAAAAAH! ^&%^%^&%(&(*! I AIN'T NO HOMO-GAY!  
VINCENT: Speaking of which, Cloud, I still want to seduce you.  
CLOUD: (staring at Matt's ass) What was that about the juice prunes?  
VINCENT: ....  
AKIRA: ::slides up to Vincent: I'll marry you...  
VINCENT: ...?! I thought we got married on the FOURPG list...  
AKIRA: OoooOOoooo yeah... ::glares at Cloud:: You were going to cheat on me with HIM?!  
VINCENT: Well, ah... um... you didn't seem to mind!  
AKIRA: Well I forgot we were married! ::pulls out mallet and chases him::  
KRIS: ::clings to Cid:: But I LOVE YOU!  
CID: Hot damn boy! Let go! ::struggles::  
BARRET: Ya know, all dis gay shit gonna on makin me ill!  
MATT: I'll make you feel better ::dresses like Mana::  
BARRET: ...?! What were your grabin boy!  
MATT: ehehehehehe...  
ANNA: ::looks down:: I have no pants on...  
ALL: .....  
MATT: (immediately loses interest in Barret) Bye, Barret...::runs towards   
Anna::  
ANNA: Matt! HEY! HEY! ::slap::  
MATT: OWWWW! What?!  
ANNA: (primly) I forgot to bring the Bigass Kinky Goth Feather. ((er, private joke, sorry))  
MATT: DAMN! DAMN IT ALL TO HELL!  
KRIS: Eeeeeeewwww...  
ANNA: HEY!  
CLOUD: Matt, can you do that?  
MATT: Okay! ::takes off his pants. underneath, he is wearing...another pair of pants:: Oh, whoopsies.  
AKIRA: *_*;; Alllllrighty then...  
ANGELINA JOLIE: Wow, multiple pants. That's so fucking deep.  
SEPHIROTH: I am quite bored. Isn't there gonna be any stripping here?  
AKIRA: But Anna's not--  
SEPHIROTH: Please...don't remind me...  
ANNA: HEY! I would like to let you know that my legs are as long, smooth, and taunt as a rubber band! (she struts forward. Vincent sticks his foot out and trips her up)  
VINCENT: And as wobbly...  
AKIRA: ::kicks Vincent:: That was mean!  
VINCENT: Cid made me do it! Because of his abuse of Shera! ::kicks Cid::  
CID: Hot damn, boy! Don't kick me! ::kicks Kris::  
KRIS: Stupid Canadians! ::kicks Matt::  
MATT: Akira stole my cheetos! ::kicks Barret::  
BARRET: Damn foo! You don't be kickin me! ::kicks Angelina Jolie::  
ANGELINA JOLIE: Insolent fool! ::kicks Sephiroth::  
SEHPIROTH: BITCH! ::kicks Cloud::  
CLOUD: WAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! Meanie! ::runs off crying::  
AKIRA: What's weird? The fact Cloud asking for Cheese or Barret singing  
"Eyes on Me"?  
VINCENT: ALL OF IT! I swear, it's a conspircy against me by HOJO!  
AKIRA: HOJO?!  
ALL: ::gasp::  
ANNA: Hojo is, like, totally, like, gross!  
MATT: Yeah! Talk about bad fashion sense! Even Cloud's hair is more in  
style then that horrid lab coat!  
CLOUD: WHAT?!? My hair?... ::stares::  
VINCENT: I know! I can understand that Hojo can't have great hair like  
most of us, but to have a coat more out of style then Cloud's hair!  
CLOUD: out of style?...  
KRIS: Like, totally! HELLO! Where is the fashion police?! Someone should  
give Hojo a book on FASHION! before he turns out like Cloud...  
CLOUD: I'm not fashionable anymore?!  
AKIRA: Yeah! I mean, he's as bad as Crono!  
ALL: ::gasp::  
KRIS: And Cloud is, like, Crono's double!  
CLOUD: ::runs off crying::  



	2. The Snarf

_**A Talk with a Vampire and Chocobo Hair Boy 2: SNARF**_  
by Anna and Akira

Scene: Cloud stays the night at Vincent's at the Mansion. They are talking over a nice cup of Tea. ^_^

VINCENT: Cloud, god.... you're sexy... like a bunny. I just wanna snarf you up!  
CLOUD: Oh, Vin-pants, you make me wanna snarf until I snarfin' can't snarf any more!  
VINCENT: -rips of his shirt- God, I know... I'm just sooooo snarfalicious!  
CLOUD: **sighs** Oh, god! I wanna snarf you sooooooo bad!  
VINCENT: -grabs cloud close- Let us snarf like wild mad bunnies under the sun!  
CLOUD: ::swoons, hands on vincent's chest:: Oh baby, let's snarf mad snarfing llama-bunny-Barbie doll snarf!  
VINCENT: -grabs cloud arse- I snarf you in the ass Cloud and watch you squeal like a bunny... god, baby... you're just so... Spoony sexy!  
Cloud: **bites vincent's nipple** Oh, god, snarf me like that! I've never wanted to snarf so much, bunny-wumpkins-snarf!  
Vincent: -screams like a girl- HEYYYYYYYYYYYYY! That hurts! -cries for a moment- That was just so... unsnarfy...   
CLOUD: I'm sorry, snarfwuppy...can I kiss it better? **snarfs...er, sniffles** I'm still ready to snarf  
VINCENT: -be dazzling smile- Of course, my little snarfy-chocoboo-butt! -licks Cloud- I need to get my mojo going before I snarf, though...  
CLOUD: Ooohhhh...so I should get the pre-snarf oven mitts and a duck, huh?  
VINCENT: -throaty- god, yes! That makes even more snarfy! ooOOoo And a big kinky goth feather! and leather! YESS! Snarfilous!  
CLOUD: Oh my god, I'm going to snarfin' snarf myself if I don't snarfing do some-snarfing-thing about it!  
VINCENT: -pokes Cloud in the ribs and licks him- God, let's snarf! -runs into the next room-  
CLOUD: **runs after him, stripping** YES!! SNARF ME!!!  
VINCENT: -sits on the bed in a Kuja-Thong- God, I will snarf you until you proclaim Sephiroth as your bitch! -wiggles his hips-  
CLOUD: **strikes a pose** I'll say whatever you want, as long as your snarf me long and hard, babycakes!  
VINCENT: -giggles like a school girl- of course... and for snarfing toys... I have. -damatic pause- a vibrating PS controller!  
CLOUD: **shaky** Oh, god, that make sme wanna snarf....mmmmm yeah!  
CLOUD: **jumps over the bed and goes through the wall** AIEIEIEIEIEEEEE! **lands** ow, that ain't snary...Vinnie-boo-boo, wanna lick my wounds?  
VINCENT: -deadpan now- No! -ques in valley girl music- And like, like get icky stuff all over my tongue! EWWWWWWWWWW! Cloudy, how could you even ask that! Now get up here and let's snarf! And jump correctly this time!  
CLOUD: **sulky** mmmkay **climbs on the bed** Snarf with our without ladie's underpants?  
VINCENT: without baby... -removes Aeris' underpants. Wiggles hips at Cloud- God, aren't just the snarfest bishonen you ever saw?!  
CLOUD: **arches his back teasingly and rubs Vincent's thighs** Mmmm, snarfy as you, baby  
VINCENT: -quacks loudly- yes, yes! -kisses Cloud- I'm sooo ready to snarf now...-  
...BAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM...  
-random fat guy, known as Don Corneo, jumps on the bed-  
DON: let me join innnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!  
CLOUD: EEEEEK!  
**Tifa runs in**  
TIFA: Cloud-bunny! Tifa want snarf!  
AERIS: -runs in too, but grabs Tifa from behind- Nooo! Tifa, you're mine! I won't share you!  
DON: OooOoooOOO! Snarfy!  
CLOUD: Boobies! -squeals in delight-  
VINCENT: boobies?  
CLOUD; **nods** Boobies  
TIFA: Shit, he got dumb again  
YUFFIE: **running in** AHA! My plan worked! Now you will make make happy-happy-bun-bun-snarf and I will steal the Materia and seduce Rufus!  
RUFUS: **screams like a little girl offscreen somewhere**  
VINCENT: but... -lip quivers- This is yaoi! you're suppose to hate boobies!  
TIFA: NOOO! I rather snarf Cloud dumb then not at all!  
AERIS: NOOO! Tifa, I LOVE YOU! -clings to her-  
RUFUS: -leaps on naked Vincent- Since Clot here doesn't wanna snarf ya... and Yuffie is stalking me, how about we snaf?  
YUFFIE: NOOO! That's it... time for my secret weapon.... YUFFIE HENTAI!  
BARRET: **screams like a little girl**  
RUFUS: Hey! _  
YUFFIE: I think it's good  
TIFA: Ohhh, so do I!  
AERIS: HEY!!  
RUFUS: -starts crying- NOOOO! -pulls out a gun and throws it at Yuffie- Vincent, snarf me now!  
BARRET: NOO! Vincent, Cloud... SNARF ME! For I am... a sexy biotch and... QUEEN OF ALL THE HAPPY LAND!  
PALMER: **farts**  
RUFUS: **holding his nose** That was contrived  
AERIS: **sulks** I am HORNY, and out of character.  
-Akira and Anna roll from underneath the bed, gasping for breath. Anna laying on Akira who is half dead-  
CLOUD: Cloud likey Anna boobies!  
ANNA: **stands up, smacks Cloud** Don't GO there, girlfriend!  
AKIRA: I like Aeris' boobies! -grins from her position on the ground-  
VINCENT: This is rape! -trying to kick off Barret who is humping his leg, Rufus who trying to give him a hand job, and a naughty and nude Palmer-  
ANNA: **points and laughs**  
TIFA: **points and laughs**  
AERIS: **points and laughs**  
CLOUD: **drools**   
AKIRA: -points and screams... pulls a mallet and smashes Barret- EWWW! Put that away! This is a VincentXClot-boy story!  
CLOUD: -drools more- Cloud like Palmer's bobbies...  
PALMER: why thank you... I do try to keep my figure, you know...  
AERIS: -cries and buries her face in Tifa's chest-  
RUFUS: SNARF ME VINCENT!  
VINCENT: **sulky** You know, this is the first time since LUCRECIA that I have even come close to getting laid in 27 years, years spent in a coffin so stuffy and small that I couldn't even MASTURBATE, let alone COME-- **gets angrier** -- not to MENTION that my dick is only about five inches LONGER then a normal man's, but WHO'S GONNA KNOW???? The ONE TIME I TRY TO SNARF SOMEONE, I HAVE TO DEAL WITH ALL THIS BULLSHIT?@?@?@ FUCK YOU!  
CLOUD: **drools**  
AERIS: Wow! That's so... interesting... I'm still horny though.. Tifa, sweetie, you're flower wants to snarf!  
CLOUD: Cloud see Aeris' boobies now?  
AERIS: -smack- Hell no!

TBC  
  


lol 


	3. Akira should stay up late for the sake o...

It was late, but never really bothered Cloud. Especially since majority of gaming population turned him into a bit oa pervert with the whole swinging his 'sword' at Aerith on the alter Or that the fact, gamers never also had a problem turning him loose in stores or houses to take things without population... Basically, Cloud was a hero without morals. All thanks to the gaming population, including this wacko of an author. And what was our favorite easily confused blonde doing at this hour? Drunk and stumbling through the Nibelhiem Manner and looking for that delicious stud muffin of a man- Vin-pants... er, VINCENT, the vampire like dude.  
  
"OMG, I LUV FLORIDA!" Wailed Cloud as he tackled the hot body and cute bootified Vincent from behind. "CAN I TOUCH UR BOOB?"  
  
Pausing, Vincent sighed and said, "I take it this is Cloud, yes?"  
  
"SOME1 U KNOW, THAT'S FOR SURE!!!!!!!1111111" Laughed Cloud rather loudly, nearly deafening our most lovely Vincent!  
  
"That's... um... rather interesting, Cloud..." Mumbled Vincent as he attempted to free himself.  
  
Pressing his thin, tainted lips, the chocobo haired man gushed, "MY NAME IS BOB. I'M FROM THAT THERE VILLAGE!"  
  
"Ideed?..." There was an awe-inspiring pause from Vincent. "You are not Bob cause I know no 'Bob'..."  
  
"BUT BOB IS A SEXY NAME!111" Gurgled Cloud as his grip slipped and the blonde flailed for a moment. "DO YOU LIKE DOLPHINS?"  
  
Vincent attempted to bolt forward, only to have Cloud wrap his drunken arms around his waist. Giggling, Cloud sadly went on with, "I DO!!! I WANNA HOMP ONE! LOL1111!!!!!!!"  
  
"Why is that everytime we get together there is a SAD lack of healthy buttsex and I have to deal with your problem of constantly becoming stupid?" Muttered Vincent sourly.  
  
"MY PROBLEM IS NO DOPLIN LOVE!!!!"  
  
"Oh gawd..."  
  
Cloud paused before tugging at Vincent's pants. "Snuggle bunny, your snarfy little love bear wrote you a snarfy tale to put you in the mood..."  
  
Vincent slapped his forehead and managed to say in an even tone, "really?"  
  
"Uh huh! Wanna hear it?" Before Vincent could say 'no', Cloud released the the body of hotness and leapt to his feet in a fumbling 'bang'. Tettering a bit, he pulled out a piece of paper and looked his would-be boyfriend said, "but you're gonna have to play along..." Cloud beamed. "It's like an interactive play!"  
  
Asking the yaoi gods and goddess why Vincent founght to urge to scream as Cloud announced, "your a young girl swinging in the dark... 8 years old..."  
  
Cloud stared at him as the dark bishonen glared at him. "Well?"  
  
"Well what?"  
  
"START PLAYING ALONG!" Screamed the drunk and typically stupid blonde angstly!  
  
"Um.... I'm humming to herself and swinging back and forth... on a swing... YEAhhhhh..."  
  
"rustles as he hears humming coming from the distance and cloaked in the night prowls through the city utin i see her swinging their.. youn, innocent, swinging by herself in the dark under the pale full moons light..." Rambled Cloud as he stalked before Vincent and help up a sign. "--- VAMPIRE"  
  
"WHAT THE HELL, CLOUD?" Vincent threw up his hands in the air. "I'm not doing this! This is creeepy and too weird! Even for me!"  
  
"But I didn't get to the part where I get to using the sensuality 10 times greater than you would ever feel in the real world with a man with my SUPER TONGUE---!" Cloud fell over as something collide into the back of his head. The blonde looked even more loss before falling over, booty up in the air.  
  
"Vincent..." Cooed a voice as bat was discard next to Cloud and Rufus Shinra stepped forth from the darkness. "I have come to make wild wild wild snarf snarf snarf bunny kinky yaoi buttsex to you!!!" The blonde president tossed his head. "I will not allow you to escape me!"  
  
"Okay." Vincent shrugged.  
  
"And if you think I will not... er... what?"  
  
"I'm up for some hot guy on guy action with you, Mister President." Vincent sighed. "I think it will be the only real guy on guy action I'll be able to get... Cloud is just too... stupid. I give up. Sure, he has the lost shouta like boy does in every Pre-FF yaoi tale, but now... I'm just fed up! I need a real man to satisfy me until Cloud get's his IQ fixed and a end to his idenity crisis!"  
  
Rufus nearly drooled as Vincent shook his tooshie at him.  
  
"Come get some..."  
  
And so Rufus went to go get some... until something else arose from dark depths of... um... spandex space! Dun dun dun!!!  
  
Just then Sephiroth walked in and wacked Akira in the back of the head. "WENCH!!! What the HELL do you think you're doing?!"  
  
Akira whimpered, "getting all excited for the new FFVII movie coming out by making having two my favorite bishonen have buttsex?..."  
  
"What about me and Aerith?! Don't you think we should be having sex before you feed your own delusions?!"  
  
"Um.... no?"  
  
"DIE!"  
  
Akira ran then. She would be forced to conclude this tale another day...  
  
Mmmmm... snarfy buttsex! 


End file.
